is physical boundaries something you and your boyfriend struggle with? if so, what do you do?
it’s funny, we had a talk about this yesterday. i’ll spare you the details, but it’s just ironic and there’s a lot i have been thinking about on this topic today…
i will say this, we both have our struggles (past and present), but in our relationship, by the grace of God, we have been able to be open and honest with each other and avoid any major problems since we started dating. do i think we’re immune and those can’t/won’t happen? absolutely not. i think it’s incredibly important to discuss it openly, sharing what you need, what boundaries are helpful for you, why you feel that way, etc. be vulnerable in it, but remember you’re not married and there are lines to be drawn, even in conversation. we’ve never had a conversation explicitly drawing lines in our physical relationship, but we both seek Jesus and truth, talk about those things, and know that our hearts are pursuing purity in the way Christ desires. if we fail, there is grace, but seek Jesus first and avoid tempting situations. seek wise council and accountability if you have to. there’s no shame in that. protect each other’s heart first, even if it’s difficult or uncomfortable. it’s worth it to wait.
“Other people are going to find healing in your wounds. Your greatest life messages and your most effective ministry will come out of your deepest hurts.”
vulnerability is so stinking hard for me sometimes. it is almost excruciating to peel back the layers and admit why that really makes me cry, why i just can’t talk about that, why fears exist. yet i’m realizing that sometimes, the lack of vulnerability hurts the people that you care the most about. they aren’t mind readers, they can’t know and i want so badly to be there with them. i want to be in that space of transparency and openness because my heart desires to be seen, but you don’t know what that really means until it stares you in the face. i’m not needy, but i realized that my fear of someone leaving is a fear that it will be my fault for not letting them really see me.
"oh Lord, you have searched me and known me." i think i take that for granted, too and i’m just realizing it. that relationship will suffer without vulnerability. even though He knows it all, He wants me to talk and search and go and be known. just because He knows my thoughts before i think them doesn’t give me a free pass to run away. facing fear and insecurity head on is the only place i find healing and rest. man, life. it is just a learning process that is full of growth and change. i want to be different. i want to be open and honest and vulnerable, knowing that i am new and fully known by a God that loves what He sees.
Mom: Home in 5 minutes, hope you’ve taken the chicken out of the freezer
I’m so glad to know this is a universal problem.